We’ve looked already at three qualifications of elders/overseer/pastors. Two of them are negative: not given to drinking too much wine, not self-willed. One is positive: being sober minded. Today we will look at another positive characteristic, one with more immediate, practical implications. Both lists of qualifications have the attribute “hospitable" (philoxenos – φιλόξενος). The word might immediately conjure up the idea of love for guests. This would be comparable to how the love of good things (philagathos – φιλάγαθος – Tit 1:8), or the love of children (philoteknos – φιλότεκνος – Tit 2:4) are brought to mind by adjectives made up of two word roots put together: namely, love and the object of the love.
In the letter to Titus, this characteristic leads the charge in a list of six positive attributes (Titus 1:8) –
"...but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined." (ESV)
...ἀλλὰ φιλόξενον, φιλάγαθον, σώφρονα, δίκαιον, ὅσιον, ἐγκρατῆ (THGNT)
It appears in Paul's first letter to Timothy like this (1 Tim 3:2) –
"Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach..." (ESV)
δεῖ οὖν τὸν ἐπίσκοπον ἀνεπίλημπτον εἶναι, μιᾶς γυναικὸς ἄνδρα, νηφάλιον, σώφρονα, κόσμιον, φιλόξενον, διδακτικόν,
The sense of the word is immediately understandable. This is more than simply kind interest in strangers or even showing compassion to those you might encounter, say, as you go about your daily life in the city, town or local region you live in. This is, specifically, a love for guests, meaning people that you host at your home. For the men who are reading this, married or single, God has given you authority over the domestic space where you live. You have, therefore, the authority to bring someone into your domicile or to withhold that privilege from anyone. (For widows and other women who have authority over their domiciles, the same is true.) Use the authority wisely and generously.
For elders/overseers/pastors, bear in mind that your wives may bear the burden of cooking, cleaning and so forth, so be respectful of them in your decision making (1 Peter 3:7). Hear out their concerns out. Don’t be self-willed. Work as a team and allow them to flourish. Cherish your partners, who you work together with in this good work of hospitality.
Hospitality is a general hallmark of Christians, or should be, everywhere. Peter makes a call for all to be hospitable, using the word we are studying (1 Peter 4:9) —
"Show hospitality to one another without grumbling." (ESV)
φιλόξενοι εἰς ἀλλήλους ἄνευ γογγυσμοῦ· (THGNT)
That is to say, as Christians, we should all be generously offering one another a meal inside our homes and, where opportunity arises, a place to stay.
Under the inspiration of the same Holy Spirit, Paul says something similar (Romans 12:13) –
"Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality." (ESV)
ταῖς χρείαις τῶν ἁγίων κοινωνοῦντες, τὴν φιλοξενίαν διώκοντες· (THGNT)
Paul instructions here come in a series of short commands, including patient forbearance and generosity to others' needs. (Hospitality here, then, is clearly distinct from generosity.) Under the Holy Spirit's guidance, Paul instructs us to "pursue" hospitality. It is something that we should actively seek to incorporate into our lives with enthusiasm. Here Paul uses a noun (philoxenia – φιλοξενία) that is closely related to the adjective (philoxenos – φιλόξενος) we are looking at.
Using the same noun, the author of the letter to the Hebrews famously encourages all believers to be hospitable, for some have even entertained angels unbeknownst to them, while doing this (Hebrews 13:2) –
"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." (ESV)
τῆς φιλοξενίας μὴ ἐπιλανθάνεσθε· διὰ ταύτης γὰρ ἔλαθόν τινες ξενίσαντες ἀγγέλους. (THGNT)
Unlike in Peter’s letter, here the focus is hospitality which is not just within the community of faith, but may also involve hosting strangers. (It is only possible to host angels by mistake, when you allow strangers to come into your house.) Still, the word in question is the same, literally just "hospitality" (philoxenia – φιλοξενία). (The ESV translation, above, is offering a paraphrase as a translation, "hospitality to strangers," making the implied reference to, and emphasis on, strangers explicit. But, the Greek word itself is broader in meaning.)
The Scriptures here encourage believers not to forget to host guests for a meal or give them a place to stay. Possibly, this is something that is easy enough to forget, in the busyness of life, especially when we are invested in (good) relationships and have regular social gatherings, with family or people we know very well, around the table. We should also invite others to our homes, who are in transit, new to a country, poorer, less known or, simply, lonely.
Still, one needs to exercise judgment in welcoming strangers into one’s home. Take the matter to prayer, especially if there is any doubt regarding a potential safety threat. (In some cases, you may want to have an adult you trust stay in the same room with the person receiving hospitality, if they are unknown. There is no shame in that.) Let us not forget to be “sober-minded” in making judgments, regarding hosting. Many of the examples in the New Testament do involve believers helping fellow believers.
I will briefly mention some other examples of hospitality in the Bible, starting first with words that are related to our chosen word. Paul tries to influence the, presumably wealthy, slave owner Philemon to receive back his slave, Onesimus – who has now also become a follower of Christ, thanks to his time with Paul elsewhere – with clemency and an outstretched hand of brotherhood. So, Paul asks Philemon to prepare the guestroom for Paul, because he hopes to be released from prison and then to come visit Philemon, personally. The pressure is on. Will Philemon comply with Paul's request regarding Onesimus, his spiritual son? The word for "guestroom" is xenia (ξενία – Philemon 22). (In the meantime, Paul says, Philemon should receive Onesimus back into his home as he would receive Paul himself!)
On the island of Malta, the local official, named Publius, offers warmest hospitality to Paul, a shipwrecked prisoner, along with his companions. The word for offering hospitality is xenizein (ξενίζειν – Acts 28:7).
Peter stays at the house Simon the tanner in Joppa. The word for Peter’s receiving hospitality is xenizesthai (ξενίζεσθαι – Acts 10:6, 18). Paul writes the letter to the Romans, while receiving hospitality from Gaius, his “host” or xenos (ξένος – Romans 16:23)
When Lydia, the purple-cloth merchant, comes to faith in Jesus in Philippi, she offers hospitality to Paul, Silas and Timothy (Acts 16). Later, the Philippian jailer, who becomes a Christian, receives Paul and Silas, from out of prison, into his home. Next, in Thessalonica, Jason receives these three Christian ministers into his home (Acts 17). These examples could easily be multiplied. We have but scratched the surface.
There is much more to say about hospitality as a hallmark of the people of God. Though time does not permit us here to examine Old Testament accounts more than just cursorily, we should not neglect them. And let us note, they will have served as the paradigms of this virtue for generations following them. (Note that all accounts are written in the Scriptures for the benefit of us, who read them, serving as examples to us – Rom 15:4; 1 Corinthians 10:11).
Positive examples are notable. Famously, Abraham receives three guests, who turned out in fact to be the Lord, along with two of his servants (Genesis 18). Abraham, along with his wife Sarah, shows extraordinary hospitality, dropping all plans for the day and fashioning a feast on the spot. Next, Lot houses these two angels, who are in grave danger from the other inhabitants of Sodom.
Rebecca shows great generosity to Abraham’s servant, who then receives hospitality, on account of Rebecca’s mediation, at her family's house (Genesis 24). Rebecca’s diligence in this matter qualify her, on account of her character, to be married to Isaac, Abraham’s heir in the covenant with God.
A gentile woman who has faith in the God of Israel receives a powerful miracle of provision, because of the hospitality she offered to Elijah, the prophet (1 Kings 17). As a result, out of gratitude, she shows continued hospitality to him, as he stays at her place during a lengthy famine.
The prophet Elisha, when enemy forces are struck with blindness by the power of God, rather than having them slaughtered, brings them to the king of Israel, instructing him to host them for a great feast (2 Kings 6). This is the mercy of God.
A woman who fears God has a guest room fashioned specifically for Elisha, so that he may have a place to stay, when he is in the vicinity. She is richly rewarded for her fear of the Lord – though barren, she receives a son (2 Kings 4)!
Negative examples, too, are noteworthy. The male inhabitants of Sodom seek to deal perversely with their foreign visitors (disguised angels) in their city (Genesis 19). The result is not pretty. Owing to this, as well as many other, earlier sins, the city is obliterated. Outrageous inhospitality at the hands of Israelites, again involving sexual perversion and violence, leads to a notorious civil war in the days of the Judges. One result is that the tribe of Benjamin is almost completely annihilated (Judges 19–20).
Nabal, a fool of a man, spurns an opportunity to offer hospitality to David, in the days that he is being ill-treated by King Saul and living in the wilderness (1 Samuel 25). Nabal's wise wife, Abigail, preserves him from certain demise that the hands of David, by assuaging his anger, offering food to him and his troops.
A peculiar instance is the account of Yael, using feigned hospitality as a ruse to kill the leader of a great host of enemies of Israel (Judges 4).
Returning to the New Testament, we should note how many times Jesus had a meal at someone’s house. And when he sent out the Twelve or the 70, he instructed them to stay in the home of the initial host in city or town, wherever they are welcomed, not going about from home to home (Matt 10:10–11; Luke 10:5–8). Workers are worthy of their hire, Jesus says. Let’s also note how Jesus plainly stated that wild animals have their own, personal homes, whereas he lived a life constantly indebted to the hospitality of others, both for meals and for a place to stay (Matt 8:20).
A notable story is the account of the two disciples on the road to Emmaus, who famously invite in for a meal the very person they are longing to see, though his identity is initially hidden from their eyes. Inviting in someone who is seemingly a total stranger, they offer hospitality to Jesus, clothed in post-resurrection mystery, who then, in a flash, reveals himself and his glory.
Beloved, let us see these qualifications as indicators of the kind of person God wants as a shepherd to his people. Hospitality is part of the Gospel message. Leaders are to not bear the brunt of the burden in hospitality, per se, but rather set themselves as living examples of the Gospel at work. By following their lead, congregations then are to be hospitable to newcomers and examples to the rest of the community.
Bear in mind that there are also seasons in life – both for your and for individual families in the congregation God has placed you in, to shepherd. At times there may be more capacity for hospitality. If you are currently putting your house through significant renovations, for example, how will you be able to host? Also, in your first year of marriage, for example, or with a newborn in your arms you may find yourselves doing less hosting. A child or even your wife may be going through a difficult season, for various reasons. This all makes sense.
Still, hospitality or philoxenia (φιλοξενία) is not optional for church leaders. If you find yourselves lacking in this department, especially as an ongoing pattern, confess it and repent. The Lord is very merciful. Confession is acknowledging that there is sin. That is done in a moment of time. It is very important to have repentance accompany confession, every time you confess a sin. Repentance, of course, is going in the opposite direction. Purpose in your heart, as you are confessing, that you will commit now to do the opposite of what you have been doing. Choose today who you will invite over for a meal. Is there someone you have been avoiding? Someone on your heart that you should see and have over, but you have been pushing it off? (If not, ask the Lord to show you someone that you can show hospitality to.) Send them a text or give them a phone call right away. Don’t wait, because that is not repentance. Remember the Lord’s mercy to the Israelites at Mt. Sinai. Do not be afraid to turn to the Lord. He will help you out. And in short order. Only, be faithful to what you know to do.
And dear church leader, honestly, if you cannot make this change to become hospitable, then you should probably step down from leadership (for as long as it takes to get this part of your life in order – and seek help from others, to understand what is amiss). This is a requirement, just as not being given to too much wine is. But, I have hope for you, because for many of you, I would expect – you have a true love the Lord and desire to seek him with all your heart! Only, make that change.
Lastly, let's keep in mind Jesus has said that we are serving him, himself, when we bring in the foreigner or stranger into our home (Matt 25:35). The word for stranger is xenos (ξένος).
Let us strive then to be hospitable. And for those who are Church leaders (or aspire to be), there is an extra burden — a requirement — to do this. Leaders should be examples to the flock in extending hospitality to those who are Christians, as well as to others.