I have been wicked. I don’t even know where to start. But I know one thing – you will be amazed at God’s mercy and grace in my life. As an academic, a biblical scholar, I veered from the true path. And it took me some time to get back to walking in righteousness. Let me tell you a snippet of the longer story.
When I went to Israel in 2005 for a semester, I was registered for Jerusalem University College. God had called me to go. (Even as early as 16 years old it was laid on my heart to do this.) But as I arrived in Jerusalem that January, I opted out of the program and went to the Hebrew University, for various reasons that I won’t get into here. I should have obeyed the Lord.
But he had mercy. Then I failed to get into Cambridge to do my PhD, for the second year in a row, though the Lord had clearly guided me to apply there, through a kind and godly scholar at Tyndale House. In retrospect, I can see that there were significant areas of my personal life that were out of order. I had idolized a relationship. I had disobeyed things God had said to me directly. So it makes sense that God’s plan was not able to unfold as it ought to have.
But he offers more grace. I began doing my PhD at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. But over the years, various forms of idolatry had lodged in my heart, creating an uneasiness and perfectionist drive. It could be very difficult working with me.
Working very long hours, without breaks, I also ruined my health. For one year, I had carpal tunnel and tendinitis in both hands. Then, following that, I had a year with extreme tailbone problems. Finally, in a third year, I had great difficulties in my neck, and I could not lean my head downwards. Always working. But, in a way, never really progressing.
I spent about three years where, during communion, I was unwilling to self examine. I was not allowing God to really convict and transform me. I was stuck. And when you are stuck in your spiritual walk, you are actually going backwards.
Not surprisingly, my view of the Bible began to change drastically. It wasn’t the faith I had started out with in my childhood. But it was new, exciting. And the novel approach to the Bible promised to offer me new insights, which others could not obtain. As scholars, I and others like me saw the Bible as noble, containing God’s words for humanity, but, ultimately, full of many errors. We were judging the Bible, not letting it judge us – our thought, speech and behaviour.
But it gets worse. When I switched PhD topics, I connected with a new, additional advisor. Loren Stuckenbruck, professing to be a Christian, openly taught in a public lecture that Jesus was not conceived of the Holy Spirit in a virgin, Mary. And though I felt uncomfortable, I justified it to myself and continued on with him as my supervisor.
In the end I not only had an academic relationship with Loren but also had table fellowship with him and his wife. And, equally bad, I introduced my wife to the couple. And we stayed at their place.
Then one day, a greater tragedy happened. We joined them at their church, because their youngest son (not a child), was going to get baptized. My moral compass had been lowered and I no longer made wise judgements.
On the drive to the church I found out that the church’s “minister” was engaged in a life of same-sex sexuality. And I stayed silent. (I should have asked for my hosts to pull over and allow for my wife and me to exit the vehicle.)
But it gets worse. It was communion Sunday. And, in this meeting, people went forward for communion. I didn’t want to be embarrassed by sitting out. And also I was more concerned with what those around me thought than God’s own opinion (and the reality of the created world).
And that was the moment that I became woke. Right there. In that religious ceremony. In my heart, in a moment, I forced a justification to myself — well, I thought, God accepts sinners, so since we are all sinners, therefore a minister could be habitually involved in same-sex sexuality. But the Bible has stringent criteria for leaders (e.g. Titus 1, 1 Timothy 3).
So I took communion from a false teacher, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. That is one of the memories that I least enjoy. But God offers more grace!
It takes time to come out of the depths, when you have plunged yourself into them. But have no fear! God is extremely merciful. Yet, I cannot tell the full story here of the process of the restoration of my moral compass — and, with it, the innocence of my relationship with God. It has taken some time.
Now I endeavour with all my being to walk in God’s righteous ways. I take the Bible for what it says. I’ve stopped trying to twist it all up, to get it to say what I want it to say. And now I try, also, to obey all that is written. This is the path to life – repentance and obedience.
And, of course – as for all who truly follow the Lord Jesus – for me, too, there are lots that still need change and need to be surrendered.
Now I have a passion: to teach others God’s good ways. And what better way to do that, than by helping people to read the Scriptures in their original languages? Actually, I have another passion. It’s related. I am passionate to help others to teach the languages of the Bible and its marvellous contents to others (and to equip these people to teach yet others).
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